Working backwards

Given that the most exciting jobs I am offered at the moment involve adverts with Claudia Schiffer swishing her hair, air brushed in to little more than a fuzzy blond German pencil. I have decided to write in retrospect of what has happened in conjunction with what is happening.

This morning I wrote a letter to Big Sky Studios demanding they give me a job as studio assistant.
In the past I have often patted studio assistants on the back and given them my most sincerely pitying look, when at 1am you have just finished a shoot that started at 7am and they remain behind to clean up your crap and paint the whole studio white again before the next shoot at 7am the next morning.

Tables and turning spring to mind.

Then again, I assisted on the Topshop campaign at Big Sky in January. It seems a fun place with adequate access to plenty of photography assistants (which I have given up for lent and will do me a world of good I'm sure)

After the Christmas break and having had a stint dating a man from the 'real' world I had forgotten the perils of the photography assistant.
This particular photographer had about 8 assistants on set with nothing to do.
They almost remind me of the stray dogs I saw in vast packs in South America. Roaming about all day pestering anything they can hump.

The famous, 'smooth George' was there. One of Testino's ex assistants. Need I say more.
He had a new look, with long shaggy locks of blond hair and one eye brow permanently raised.

He spend a good 45 minutes talking to the lovely Lithuanian teenager we had as a model that day.
I knew her English extended to, 'yes', 'No', 'Cigarette'. But enjoyed so much watching him spend all that time trying seduce a girl who's face had, 'Go away strange English boy' written all over it before she finally shrugged at him mid sentence and pointed to the earphones she had had on all along.

I suppose I should not mock. I spend 4 days in courtship with some be freckled boy.
'Test shooting' in fashion/photographic assistant language is code for 'sex' as far as I've gathered so far.
At the end of the shoot and my efforts to be charming I was not amused to learn he had a girlfriend.

I eminently became to busy to test.